3/31/2022

  1. Having a hard time breathing after getting out of the shower after telling my therapist that I enjoyed taking hot showers
  2. Cold showers make me cramp up and warm showers are cold
  3. Feeling pain in the back of my head when I oversleep sometimes like someone stabbing my head
  4. Having a hard time sleeping some times I sleep fourteen hours some times I stay up 2 days
  5. Have a hard time going from manual to automatic breathing
  6. Car requires me to press the gas too much just talk to the car dealership about this saying the car has a problem with my imagination
  7. Told dr Adachi about this, but my neck feels awkward and forces my entire body to feel strange. Like a stiffness or something in my neck. And it centers around the back of the neck
  8. Covid 19 is a strange time no one talking to me except my friend beary, stark, and Nellie – my mother is in the house with me so she has no choice.
  9. I put Nellie as my older sister on my health information because I don’t trust putting my mother because she is also a mental patient and I don’t trust putting Robynne because we have never gotten along and I don’t trust putting my other siblings because we haven’t spent enough time with each other. I just think I offended Nellie by putting her on my health info.
  10. I started hearing voices when I’m alone after cleaning shelves at Walgreens…I liked the job, but the only problem was that they were understaffed and that people acted immaturely on the job. I should put my friend Soo H Lee as my health information because we lived 6 years together in high school and I lived with Aaron Leighton 3 years in middle school on the weekends
  11. My thoughts don’t come in pictures
  12. My nails are dark for some reason they break really easily and are hard to clip
  13. My face broke out after spraying easy off in the oven at my job at mars and it got worse after applying the cream dr udochi prescribed…its why I complain so much about my symptoms.
  14. I injured my thumb recently it hurts when stretched out of proportion
  15. I keep forgetting stuff I want to talk about with people so much I want to say to people and no one has real time for me. I am 36 years old and don’t have a woman I can keep as a mate and no children, part of me wants this part of me doesn’t want this. I am interested in school and dota and im having trouble getting dota to be the way I want it and im having trouble adjusting to the school atmosphere. And I can’t explore the game fully because I don’t have a team to find out what its like to be on a team.
  16. I have a problem with dota, driving and calculator and computers… im not remembering everything I want to experience with these tools. They don’t take control sometimes im in full control right now and some players think of the characters as their friends or children and you can’t be in control of a child or friend completely. Right now im exploring how to stay alive with the dota characters. Talk to pro players like puppey and notail about what im talking about. Like some characters you need a team to function properly and most players in the game like to play solo or with one or two other people. I like playing with three players called cackles, delsombre, and pastrami. I think of them as my friends because I already want the best for all the characters
  17. in the game I just don’t know how to get my ideas to be respected. Computer and car manufacturers want people to get to know their products and not use them to just get to places and achieve their goals. its just that we have other things to do in life.
  18. I am thinking of doing statistics on dota to get people to care about the game more than killing enemies and winning matches.
  19. I am having trouble seeing the characters as puzzle pieces I see their abilities as isolated characters part of an entire character.
  20. I want better heroes implemented I don’t like the design of primal beast and can’t think of a better suggestion.
  21. I get tired of doing stuff after an hour even homework I get tired of doing after an hour or a day. The ethics homework was different for some reason I have no idea why I wrote that about nat turner.
  22. I damaged myself by writing pruningofclay.wordpress.com and deleting it. Then I tried to repair myself by starting pruningofclay.com and now I’m trying to repair myself by going over pruningofclay.wordpress.com again. I was interested in myself back then and kept a daily log of myself and my Christian experiences. And when it got too personal I deleted the site and I learned that you can damage yourself by not being open enough with the right person or yourself the right way.
  23. I’m starting to feel lonely for the first time after being left behind so many times at church. I’ve gone through so many generations of friends that I feel lethargic. And it first appeared at CCC when I was trying to play basketball with old friends and got worse during covid 19 because everyone left the state and stop communicating.
  24. When I was in fifth grade I tried to make my own language and stopped because of two reasons one because it took too long to get through A and the B the animals started acting strange for some reason.
  25. Pastor David park seems turned off from me for some reason I never asked and never wanted to ever preach at any church so I don’t know why hes turned off from me. I just want my life fixed up and im trying to get him to pray with me but he seems turned off. And I want to pray as soon as possible but I don’t have the time myself. I have to study for college.
  26. How do I pray everyday In the shower? I should ask pastor park but we have no time to talk to each other. and I don’t like chasing after anything.
  27. Is it a good idea to get Professor Bruno and Pastor Park to start a website for repairing people collectively? It’s more convenient for them to post it online right now. Because computers are cheap just 900 dollars. Just expensive and time consuming to repair.
  28. I want to start two online comics about dota but don’t know how to draw well anymore or how to not get hand cramps trying to get wordpress to get a art creator software developed for their site but don’t know how to describe what im envisioning. One about the history of dota from a pro players perspective and one from each character’s perspective. I know I have to make a hundred versions I just don’t have the energy to do that and people aren’t interested once you produce a hundred versions of something with me. they like my first version. And my arts not good right now. That’s what playstation told me they made one hundred or ten hundred versions of each of their products before they released it to the public I just don’t have the energy to do that or that hands. My teacher rick leith told me to start with five versions and stay with that. I took his advice and my writing was accepted by everyone until like 2016 because that’s when I had my first rejection from someone who thought I was being random because I like to do this: I went, with a smile on my face, to the park.
  29. I also want to make my own moba I just don’t know have the money or the horse power to produce a hundred versions don’t
  30. I have a problem with church…I either go too much or too little. I don’t know how to ease my way in correctly. And after awhile I start over sleeping. Right now im sleeping at 7pm to wake up at 5am. I stay awake but I get fidgety during the sermon and songs.
  31. I know what I want to do with my life right now I know I want to do dota statistics, dota comic, my own moba, and keep up my dota content suggestion website. I just don’t know how to get taken serious.
  32. I have a plan to repair my eyes I just don’t know how to do it properly which is spend thirty minutes out of an hour on an assignment. Fifteen minutes out of an hour on something leisurely and fifteen minutes out of an hour not looking at a computer. I don’t know how to control myself.
  33. I have to learn to draw people at different ages and have them be recognizable because I have a totally different idea for my pro player comic without drawing actual little kids because little kids don’t know how to stay still and like to run around all day.
  34. I want to draw my pastor on Sunday while he standing on the podium next to two statues one of his wife and another of his daughter (his son doesn’t go to our congregation) should I ask him if I can sketch him?.
  35. I need to learn to sketch with both hands to be a professional I feel and I have had to start over drawing sometimes from rebelling against other people or myself or both or accepting people the wrong way.
  36. Does the college want a student to learn to control their grade? Like control it completely make a b when they aim for a b and make a c when they aim for a c and not get an a or d all the time. I just don’t know how to anticipate whats in store for the classes they sign me up for in college.
  37. People don’t want to communicate with me how do I get them to understand that im just trying to get my life together. I am 36 years old and still in college. It’s all I have right now. I don’t know how to get good grades in my classes. I try and study and still fail the exams. And I have no idea what to do about my upcoming ethics classwork. Im tired of failing classes I’ve been failing my entire life. I feel fatigue when doing assignments and don’t know how to overcome it. I was told to take a ten minute break but I still feel fatigue when I think about doing assignments so I take the day off.
  38. I have trouble remembering medicine…I can remember my entire life but I can’t remember to take medicine. I don’t even want to take medicine and get frustrated and angry when I think about taking it.